Christmas, Relationships, and the Unconscious Ties That Bind Us
Christmas often feels like a time wrapped in warmth and wonder. Twinkling lights, decorated trees, and shared meals paint a picture of togetherness and joy. It's a season that promises connection, love, and the comfort of traditions. But beneath the festive surface lies a deeper story—one of emotions that touch on our very essence as humans. For some, this time of year highlights cherished relationships and a sense of belonging. For others, it brings into sharp focus feelings of loss, longing, or complexity. Whether spent surrounded by loved ones or in quiet solitude, Christmas has a way of revealing the threads that tie us to each other, for better or for worse.
The Roots of Love: How Early Attachments Shape Us
The way we love and connect as adults often has roots in our earliest experiences of care. From the very beginning, we form bonds with parents and caregivers that create a kind of emotional blueprint—an inner map that guides how we approach trust, closeness, and vulnerability throughout life.
At Christmas, a holiday so often tied to family and tradition, these early patterns can quietly reappear. The people we choose to share the day with, the traditions we carry forward, and even the emotions stirred by familiar smells or sounds often reflect the echoes of those first connections. In seeking joy and comfort during this season, we may unconsciously be searching for the safety and warmth we first felt—or wished for—as children.
Beneath the Glitter: The Complexity of Relationships
Our closest relationships are rarely simple. They hold a mix of emotions—love, affection, but also frustration and pain. The festive season, with all its emphasis on joy and harmony, has a way of bringing those layers to the surface.
Family gatherings can stir nostalgia and laughter, but they can also unearth old wounds or unresolved tensions. These feelings, though uncomfortable, are part of being human. Accepting the messy, beautiful complexity of our relationships allows us to approach them with compassion and understanding. Feeling a mix of warmth and discomfort doesn’t mean we’re failing—it means we’re alive.
Carrying Loved Ones With Us
Even when loved ones aren’t physically present, they live on within us. Their words, gestures, and values shape who we are, and at Christmas, these internal ties often feel especially vivid.
You might find yourself preparing a recipe your grandmother once made, hanging an ornament that reminds you of a friend, or simply feeling a quiet joy because it’s how someone you loved always felt at this time of year. In these moments, we honour their presence in our lives and carry forward their spirit in small but meaningful ways.
The Other Side of the Holiday Cheer
For some, Christmas shines a light on what’s missing rather than what’s there. The loss of loved ones, distance from family, or a sense of isolation can make the season feel heavy instead of joyful.
If this resonates with you, know that these feelings are valid. Christmas isn’t always about perfect moments or idealised togetherness—it’s about being real with ourselves. Sometimes, that means allowing space for grief, longing, or even frustration. These emotions, too, are part of the human experience.
Making Christmas Your Own
The beauty of Christmas lies in its potential to be personal and true to you. There’s no right or wrong way to celebrate. Whether you’re surrounded by family, spending the day with friends, or choosing quiet time for yourself, what matters is that it feels meaningful to you.
Maybe you’ll create new traditions that reflect where you are now, or honour the past by continuing rituals that ground you. Perhaps it’s a day for laughter and connection—or maybe it’s a moment for reflection, gratitude, and peace. Whatever your choice, let it be one that feels authentic and nourishing.
Christmas invites us to embrace the full range of our emotions—joy, longing, love, and hope. It’s a time to reflect on the relationships that have shaped us, whether they’re present in our lives or held in memory. By leaning into the deeper meaning of the season, we can create a celebration that feels truly ours, filled with the richness of connection and the quiet comfort of being human.