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When anger infects the mind and contaminates the heart, you risk losing yourself.You are no longer whole. <span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">You fragment.<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Anger arises when your truth has been denied, trampled on, crushed by another. Not as a misunderstanding, but as a violation. It arrives as a raw, incandescent force, determined to annihilate whatever feels unjust to you. Yet while it strikes outward, it tightens inward. It closes the heart. It severs you from love. Anger is potency. <span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">It is destructive.And its force shows no mercy, neither to the other, nor to yourself.Beneath anger lies suffering. A suffering that cuts into flesh and blood, that reaches the most vulnerable place within you. You want to cry. But anger will not allow it. It demands destruction before feeling. To strike before collapsing. Only after the object of pain has been annihilated is pain permitted to surface.Here, the risk is at its peak: the loss of the self.<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">This inner tension is, not infrequently, at the root of killing, destruction, abandonment. Anger is not merely a reaction; it is a defence. It validates the ego when it feels threatened, rejected, excluded. In an attempt to preserve its sense of righteousness and belonging, the ego may unconsciously destroy bonds, love, community. <span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">And it does so without realising that it is, in fact, destroying itself. Simina

Anger and the Loss of Self

The first day of 2026. I look out at the ocean and, for a moment, I feel blessed to be here. After an entire night of torrential rain and wind, the clouds begin to break apart, and the sun’s light emerges — soft, tentative, uncertain. Yet the waves remain immense, crashing violently against the shore, as if the storm has not truly passed. Facing the ocean, I feel small. Not poetically small, but genuinely so. Insignificant. Replaceable. And then this thought comes to mind: choose your battles. At the beginning of a new year, we like to believe we can choose. That if we are conscious enough, aware enough, we can steer our lives in a better direction. And yet reality keeps reminding us that much of what happens to us lies beyond our control. Perhaps humility in the face of life does not mean giving up responsibility, but accepting its limits. Acknowledging that not all battles are ours&nbsp;and that sometimes even our reactions are not fully free, but shaped by old fears, early attachments, and histories we did not choose. The year ahead will inevitably place us in situations that escape our control. What we do then will not always be a clear or correct choice. Sometimes it will simply be what we are able to do in that moment. Maybe true responsibility is not about mastering life, but about remaining attentive. Attentive to our thoughts. To the emotions that quietly guide us. To the small gestures that, without us noticing, slowly shape our future. The ocean does not ask us to conquer it. Nor to fully understand it. Only to know when to step into the water, and when it is wiser to remain on the shore. Happy New Year!Simina

Choosing Our Battles at the Start of a New Year

The end of the year is an important moment. Not only because “a year comes to an end”, but because more time passes in our lives. For some, it is a period of calm and gratitude. For others, it is an intense time: one of evaluation, comparison, sadness, or loneliness.<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Christmas is not only about gifts and festive meals. In the collective imagination, it is the moment when we are with “our tribe”, with those we call family, and with the comforting idea that we do not have to go through the end of the year alone. <span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Only reality is not that simple. <span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">For many, Christmas can be hard. Sometimes we sit at the table beside people next to whom we feel lonelier than we would among strangers. We put on a mask and try to “be fine”, out of pressure, out of the need to belong, out of fear of exclusion, or out of guilt. For others, it is exactly the opposite: an inner emptiness, because “everyone is with family”, and they have nowhere to be, or no one to be with.This is one truth: there are so many people who are lonely, whether within a family, or entirely on their own.<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Loneliness is personal, and it has roots in our history: in attachment, in relationships, in life experiences. We do not always choose what we feel. But often, we can choose how we respond. <span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">There will always be people with a sadder story than ours, and people who seem luckier or more fulfilled than we are. That is not what saves us. What belongs to us is how we settle within ourselves in relation to what we are living through, and how we choose to respond to the situation we are in, even when everything seems hopeless, with no way out. <span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">The true feeling of being in control is born out of our actions in the face of what we are up against. Not from trying to change the people in our lives or forcing life to be different, but from changing the way we relate to the situation and to the feelings we struggle with. <span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">If you feel isolation, frustration, or an emptiness that drains your life force, sometimes the most powerful antidote is not forcing yourself to “be okay”, but creating a thread of connection, however small. <span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">We can always choose to visit a children’s centre or a care home for the elderly, to offer a helping hand at a centre for people experiencing homelessness, to serve a warm meal or share clothes. We can choose to buy food and spend ten minutes talking with someone on the street, to send a card with a few kind words to a neighbour, to share a smile on the street, or to look for a group or a community that organises events during this time. We can write a blog and share our experience with others. <span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">The feeling of love, whether we are speaking of self-love or love for others, grows through the practice of loving and, implicitly, through being there for others: through a smile, through a few minutes of our time, through a kind word. <span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Merry Christmas, and a better New Year! <span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Simina ﻿

On Loneliness, Choice, and the End of the Year

Thoughtful man sitting on grass looking out to the beautiful sunrise with happy feelings, peace of mind, happiness, serenity

Loneliness is a universal experience, often exacerbated by our individual attachment styles. Understanding how our early relationships shape our patterns of attachment can provide profound insights into why some of us feel lonelier than others. This article delves into the connection between attachment styles and loneliness, offering a psychoanalytic perspective on how our early life experiences influence our capacity for connection and intimacy.Attachment Theory: An Overview Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby and further expanded by Mary Ainsworth, posits that our early interactions with primary caregivers form the blueprint for our future relationships. These early experiences shape our attachment styles, which can be broadly categorised into four types: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganised. In this short article I am going to focus only on the first three types.* Secure Attachment: Individuals with secure attachment feel comfortable with intimacy and autonomy. They tend to have positive views of themselves and others, making them less likely to experience chronic loneliness.* Anxious Attachment: Those with anxious attachment often crave closeness but fear rejection and abandonment. This can lead to intense feelings of loneliness, even when in relationships.* Avoidant Attachment: Individuals with avoidant attachment value independence to the extent that they avoid closeness. Their fear of dependency can result in isolation and loneliness.Psychoanalytic Insights on Loneliness and Attachment From a psychoanalytic perspective, our attachment styles are deeply intertwined with our unconscious mind. Early experiences of caregiving are internalised, forming the internal working models that guide our expectations and interactions in relationships.Anxious Attachment and Loneliness * Fear of Rejection: Anxiously attached individuals often perceive themselves as unworthy of love, leading to heightened sensitivity to social rejection. This fear can create a self-fulfilling prophecy, where the intense need for reassurance pushes others away, exacerbating loneliness. * Dependency and Clinginess: The tendency to cling to partners for reassurance can strain relationships, leading to frequent conflicts and breakups, further deepening feelings of loneliness.Avoidant Attachment and Loneliness * Emotional Self-Sufficiency: Avoidantly attached individuals pride themselves on self-reliance, often dismissing the need for close relationships. While this independence may protect them from the pain of rejection, it also isolates them, preventing deep, meaningful connections. * Fear of Vulnerability: Avoidant individuals struggle with vulnerability, viewing it as a weakness. This fear creates barriers to intimacy, resulting in superficial relationships that fail to satisfy their emotional needs. &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;

The Role of Attachment Styles in Loneliness

“If you truly want something with all your heart, you will find the energy and means to make it happen.” Those were my analyst’s words at a moment when I was close to giving up. I can still hear his calm, steady voice. I was lying on the same old couch, absent-mindedly tracing the embroidery on the throw with my fingers, staring at the ceiling.&nbsp; I had run out of patience. Powerlessness, fear, and frustration were rolling around inside me. My clinical training in psychoanalytic psychotherapy felt endless. After five years of seminars and assignments, years of intense analytic work with patients, almost two years spent in the corridors of a psychiatric hospital caring for those too unwell to be in the community, and hundreds of hours in personal analysis and supervision, I felt I’d reached the end of the tunnel - only there was no light. And the journey was not yet over.&nbsp;How was I going to see this through? How would I carry the cost, financially and emotionally, of such an arduous training?&nbsp;<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Part of me wanted to rage - at the universe, at my training organisation, at my analyst, and most of all at myself for choosing such a complex and lengthy path. And yet I knew I could not quit or turn back.&nbsp;I was especially cross with my analyst: how could “wanting it” possibly summon the energy and the means? If I didn’t want to complete it after all those years, who did?&nbsp;What I couldn’t see back then - despite already being five years into both my analysis and my training - was that no one else could carry this for me, and I was not yet ready to step out of the safety of being a trainee and take on the full responsibility of standing alone in the world as a psychotherapist. Becoming a therapist is not just an academic pursuit; it is about being prepared to hold the emotional and mental lives of others, which demands maturity, self-awareness, and inner readiness.I already had a BSc in Forensic Psychology, and still so many questions felt unanswered. A fierce curiosity drove me: to inch closer to what felt true in me and to understand the human condition more deeply. That is why I chose to commit to the long, demanding road of psychoanalysis and psychoanalytic psychotherapy.So, what does psychotherapy training actually involve in the UK? While pathways differ depending on modality and training body, the core elements are always rigorous: theoretical depth, clinical experience, and one’s own therapy. I can speak most honestly about the path I took - psychoanalytic psychotherapy and analytical psychology with the Association for Group and Individual Psychotherapy (AGIP) in London.My clinical training took nine years in total, including a foundation year. Throughout those years I was in my own analysis – most often three times a week, and for several years four times a week. To this day, I see personal analysis as the master teacher in my profession. I do not believe we can become good, ethically responsible psychotherapists, entrusted with another person’s inner life, without undergoing our own sustained process of self-knowledge. Truly knowing oneself happens in relationship: sharing one’s thinking and inner world with another and allowing oneself to be vulnerable and seen.<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Alongside personal analysis, the training combined several strands:· &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Four years of theoretical seminars in psychoanalytic theories and thinking.<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">· &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; A minimum of one year in a psychiatric setting, to encounter severe mental distress within the system that holds it.· &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; A year of infant (baby) observation and seminars, to witness development and early relationships with reflective attention.· &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Intensive, long-term clinical work with patients under close supervision, week in, week out, over years.· &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; And woven through it all, hundreds of hours of supervision and reflective writing to deepen and test one’s clinical mind.<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"> It is demanding - of time, of money, of one’s capacity to think when it would be easier to react. It asks you to tolerate uncertainty, to stay with not-knowing long enough for something true to emerge. It requires humility: you learn quickly that techniques are useful, but it is the quality of attention, the steadiness of the therapeutic frame, and the depth of your own self-knowledge that become decisive.Why do it? Because when someone sits in front of you, you are asked to think with them when they cannot; to help them make sense of what feels unbearable; to hold hope when hope is temporarily out of their reach. And it demands that we, as therapists, keep doing our own work too.So, if you are considering this path, know that the journey will test you and shape you. The light at the end does exist, but it is not a spotlight of triumph. It is quieter and more human: the moment a patient says something they have never been able to say before. In that moment, all the years of study, observation, placements, supervision, and analysis make a different kind of sense. The training does not end but it becomes part of how you live, and how you listen.<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"> by Simina Simion, Psychoanalytic Psychotherapist

What it really takes to train as a psychoanalytic psychotherapist in the UK

Child writing Abbreviation ADHD on a blackboard

Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is often thought of as a childhood condition, but it is crucial to recognise that ADHD frequently persists into adulthood. Adult ADHD presents unique challenges, particularly in the areas of emotional dysregulation and impulsive behavior. Insights from leading experts like Dr. Russell Barkley have been instrumental in understanding these aspects, thereby shaping effective management strategies.Emotional Dysregulation in Adults with ADHDEmotional dysregulation is a core feature of adult ADHD that is often overlooked. Dr. Russell Barkley emphasises that individuals with ADHD frequently struggle with managing their emotions, which can manifest as intense emotional reactions, mood swings, and difficulty calming down once upset (Barkley, 2015).Key characteristics of emotional dysregulation in adults with ADHD include:* Intense emotional responses: Adults with ADHD may experience emotions more intensely than others, reacting strongly to situations that might not elicit the same response from those without ADHD. * Mood swings: Rapid shifts in mood, from excitement to frustration or sadness, are common. * Difficulty with self-soothing: Once emotionally aroused, individuals with ADHD often find it challenging to return to a calm state, leading to prolonged periods of distress.These emotional challenges can affect various aspects of life, including personal relationships, professional interactions, and overall mental health. Addressing emotional dysregulation is crucial for improving the quality of life for adults with ADHD.Impulsive Behavior in Adults with ADHDImpulsivity is another hallmark of ADHD that persists into adulthood. It encompasses behaviors characterised by a lack of foresight, poor decision-making, and difficulty delaying gratification. Research highlights that impulsivity in adults with ADHD can lead to significant life challenges (Barkley, 2015).Common impulsive behaviors in adults with ADHD include:* Spontaneous decision-making: Making hasty decisions without considering the consequences, which can lead to financial problems, career instability, or relationship issues. * Interrupting others: Difficulty waiting for their turn to speak, often interrupting conversations, which can strain social and professional relationships. * Risk-taking behaviors: Engaging in activities without fully considering the risks involved, such as reckless driving or substance abuse.These impulsive actions can have far-reaching consequences, affecting various aspects of an adult's life. Addressing impulsive behavior through appropriate interventions is essential for helping adults with ADHD manage their symptoms more effectively.For those looking to explore this topic further, Dr. Barkley’s book, Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: A Handbook for Diagnosis and Treatment, is an excellent resource.

Understanding ADHD in Adults: Emotional Dysregulation and Impulsive Behavior

Simina Simion Psychoanalytic Psychotherapist

I’m a UKCP-accredited psychoanalytic psychotherapist with a background in forensic psychology. 

I offer long-term, weekly psychoanalytic psychotherapy for adults navigating emotional challenges, relationship patterns, and the deeper questions that shape their inner lives.

My work is for those who are high-functioning on the outside, but internally tired, overwhelmed by anxiety, emptiness, people-pleasing, or repeating the same painful patterns in relationships. Perhaps you’ve been in therapy before, but felt it only scratched the surface. In my practice, we go to the root.

I will help you understand the unconscious patterns that formed early in life, often around difficult attachment or copying strategies you no longer need. Together, we make sense of your internal world and create space for a more authentic, grounded self to emerge.

Specialisations:

Relationship issues
Specialised in ADHD
Loneliness and co-dependency
PTSD, depression and anxiety
Stress management
Childhood trauma (developmental trauma)
Attachment and separation difficulties
Identity exploration, relationship dynamics, and interpersonal issues
Employment and financial difficulties
Pre- and Post-natal depression, challenges of new parenthood
Fertility problems, coping with miscarriages
Gender and sexuality concerns
Grief and loss
Anger management and emotional difficulties
Migration, acculturation, and deportation issues
Marital problems and relationship struggles
Personal growth and improving relationships