On Loneliness, Choice, and the End of the Year

The end of the year is an important moment. Not only because “a year comes to an end”, but because more time passes in our lives. For some, it is a period of calm and gratitude. For others, it is an intense time: one of evaluation, comparison, sadness, or loneliness.

Christmas is not only about gifts and festive meals. In the collective imagination, it is the moment when we are with “our tribe”, with those we call family, and with the comforting idea that we do not have to go through the end of the year alone.

Only reality is not that simple.

For many, Christmas can be hard. Sometimes we sit at the table beside people next to whom we feel lonelier than we would among strangers. We put on a mask and try to “be fine”, out of pressure, out of the need to belong, out of fear of exclusion, or out of guilt. For others, it is exactly the opposite: an inner emptiness, because “everyone is with family”, and they have nowhere to be, or no one to be with.

This is one truth: there are so many people who are lonely, whether within a family, or entirely on their own.

Loneliness is personal, and it has roots in our history: in attachment, in relationships, in life experiences. We do not always choose what we feel. But often, we can choose how we respond.

There will always be people with a sadder story than ours, and people who seem luckier or more fulfilled than we are. That is not what saves us. What belongs to us is how we settle within ourselves in relation to what we are living through, and how we choose to respond to the situation we are in, even when everything seems hopeless, with no way out.

The true feeling of being in control is born out of our actions in the face of what we are up against. Not from trying to change the people in our lives or forcing life to be different, but from changing the way we relate to the situation and to the feelings we struggle with.

If you feel isolation, frustration, or an emptiness that drains your life force, sometimes the most powerful antidote is not forcing yourself to “be okay”, but creating a thread of connection, however small.

We can always choose to visit a children’s centre or a care home for the elderly, to offer a helping hand at a centre for people experiencing homelessness, to serve a warm meal or share clothes. We can choose to buy food and spend ten minutes talking with someone on the street, to send a card with a few kind words to a neighbour, to share a smile on the street, or to look for a group or a community that organises events during this time. We can write a blog and share our experience with others.

The feeling of love, whether we are speaking of self-love or love for others, grows through the practice of loving and, implicitly, through being there for others: through a smile, through a few minutes of our time, through a kind word.

Merry Christmas, and a better New Year!

Simina